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Facing the Fear: Surrendering to the Unknown in Your First Ayahuasca Journey
Fear before your first Ayahuasca ceremony is completely natural — but what if that fear was actually pointing you toward your own healing? In this post, I share why resistance arises, what’s happening in the brain, and how surrendering to the unknown can rewire you for trust, balance, and growth.
First-Time Fears: Stepping Into the Unknown
For every person considering whether working with Ayahuasca is right for them, there’s a unique mix of hopes — and fears. If deep down we know something could bring profound healing, why do we still resist?
If you’re new to this medicine, you might want to start with my earlier post — What Is Ayahuasca? An Introduction to the Grandmother Medicine — where I explain what this sacred brew is, how ceremonies are held, and why it’s often called the “Grandmother medicine.” Understanding the process can help ease some of that first-time uncertainty before taking the next step.
From my experience, that resistance feels almost primal — a deep instinct tied to survival. The fear of the unknown is really the fear of surrender. Our nervous system wants control; it was designed to protect us. Over time, those neural pathways become hardwired through the ways we’re taught to respond to life.
Where Fear Begins
As children, many of us were taught to suppress emotion.
We may have been shamed for showing vulnerability.
We may have trusted and been betrayed.
Eventually, letting go can feel dangerous. In the body, surrender = pain.
So when people say they’re afraid of what they might see or experience in ceremony, that’s completely valid. The unknown can feel like a threat. But what if the fear itself is part of the medicine?
Turning Toward the Fear
What if the fear could be your guiding light — showing you exactly what needs to be seen, so you can move toward peace and resolution?
Often, resisting the “thing” is far harder than facing it.
What if, instead of pushing fear away, you got curious about it?
When we move toward resistance — safely, consciously, and gently — we show the brain that danger isn’t waiting.
The nervous system learns through experience, not logic. Each time we face something hard, the brain lays down new neural pathways — the foundation of resilience, confidence, and emotional regulation.
Courage literally rewires your brain, changing how you perceive stress, fear, and possibility. Over time, you begin to trust yourself in challenge rather than fear it.
My First Ceremony
During my first-ever ceremony, I was in Costa Rica — surrounded by strangers in a space that had been recommended by a trusted friend. Another friend had gifted me a quartz crystal, which I held tightly all night long like a safety blanket.
In the morning, I looked down at it and laughed:
“That’s what I was so afraid of?”
That first night was pure bliss — full of connection, beauty, and clarity. The second ceremony… that was a very different experience (a story for another time).
Remember This
If you’re feeling fear or hesitation before your first ceremony, know that it’s completely natural — and you’re not alone.
You don’t need to be fearless to make a change.
You just need to be willing.
““The cave you fear to enter holds the treasures that you seek.””
What Is Ayahuasca? An Introduction to the Grandmother Medicine
You may have heard Ayahuasca called the Grandmother medicine — sometimes she arrives with gentle tenderness, other times with tough love, and always with a depth of unconditional care. In a single evening, this mysterious brew can take you through emotions, visions, and insights that shift how you see your past, your present, and even your future.
Why I Started Writing About This Medicine
In my journey as a retreat host & coordinator, I’ve had hundreds of conversations about this particular plant medicine. Seeing so many common themes that run through the discussions, I decided to start a blog - a place where I can write about the topics that come up the most, and things I find, personally, to be worth sharing.
Here you will find my lens of the experiences….
What Is Ayahuasca?
Why not start at the beginning? A basic introduction to this deep and mysterious brew.
Sometimes referred to as a tea, as the components are a vine (Banisteriopsis caapi) and a leaf (from the Chacruna plant), and water. Steeped down in big pots in a ceremonial process that can last for days or a week, the cook (called a Feitio) is a whole topic in and of itself.
The distilled version is that the medicine is cooked with a tremendous amount of care, intention, prayer, song, joy, stillness, and love. An abundance of love.
Why It’s Called the Grandmother Medicine
You may have heard Ayahuasca called the Grandmother medicine, the reason being that she gives you exactly what you need - sometimes it’s the gentle tenderness of a Grandmother when you need that type of healing, and other times it’s the smack upside the head, so to speak, of the “tough love” that Grandma’s also can dish out. And all points in between, from a place of maternal, unconditional love.
What Happens in Ceremony
In the course of a ceremonial evening, which is held by highly skilled facilitators and a support team, a lot can transpire. I will touch on details of this, piece by piece, over the future blog posts.
But for now, simply put - guests arrive to the space with a variety of intentions on why they are there, and the medicine has a keen ability to work with each person’s very individual process. It is a visionary journey, meaning there is the possibility of experiences from our past, present and future coming up to be seen and felt.
The Healing Potential
The healing aspect of it is that we are able to process through that in a way that is entirely new to us. If at one point a situation had an emotional strong hold, for example, we may be able to experience it from a new perspective, more objectively, that allows for a true and lasting release. This alone is the reason why many, many people seek out the experience, as you can imagine the significant therapeutic benefits of that.
What It Can Feel Like
It can be emotional, it can be full of bliss. It can be like a fountain of insights are raining down on you, with clarity and direction for your life. It can feel challenging. It can feel like an immensity of peace and liberation on the other side. It can be all that, and so much more.
Closing Thoughts
For me, this topic is one of the most near and dear to my heart.
This blog is only the beginning. In future posts, I’ll share more about the ceremonial process, the role of facilitators, and the many layers of healing that can unfold.
Ayahuasca is not just a drink. It is a living tradition — woven with intention, love, and the potential for profound transformation.